Paul Nelson wrote an article about the growing number of women who play video games. Being a woman and a gamer myself, I clicked the link to it with much enthusiasm. Said enthusiasm was quickly extinguished by the inevitable genderfail.

“Hughes says most of the girls there get introduced to gaming by their boyfriends, and then become serious gamers themselves.”

As with all gaming articles, the primary focus must be on male gamers. Even the image included with the article is one that is meant to appeal to males rather than the gender that it was allegedly written about: a woman in a skimpy tank top and skin-tight pants, with her legs spread apart ever so slightly. Because, of course, when women play video games they don’t dress for comfort; they dress to appease the male gaze! In the end, it’s not an article about women who enjoy video games, but about women who take up gaming to please the men in their lives.

“British scientists claimed Wednesday to have created human sperm from embryonic stem cells for the first time…”

I approve.

This is one crappy list of video games. Only one of them is for the PC and, as Daniel Wise puts it:

“It is not a ‘game’ per se…”

Then why is it on the list? Are there no decent non-violent video games for the PC? Did Daniel not do his homework? And what exactly counts as a “non-violent” video game?

I ask the latter question, because I recently conducted my own search for an enjoyable, non-violent video game to play on my computer. It was a challenge, but in the end I felt that I succeeded. The game I purchased was Zoo Tycoon: Zookeeper Collection. It doesn’t require me to do anything violent or harmful, and thus it met my requirement of no violence. However, some animals inflict violence on each other depending on which ones you place in your zoo, and how you house them.

Zoo Tycoon 2 might not be a really great video game, but at least it is a video game.

…or at least drunk enough to drop his drawers for five minutes.

“Males with the opportunity to mate with many females would be likely to produce less sperm on each occasion than those making fewer sexual conquests.”

“The technology involves the use of a wireless headset, developed by our strategic partner, which detects brainwaves on both the conscious and non-conscious level.”

If this is real, I am both intrigued and terrified. It could be used for some very scary purposes.

A veteran’s hospital in Houston, Texas is making unconventional use of technology to help its patients.

“A virtual reality program, for example, will allow veterans with substance abuse problems to practice strategies of avoiding alcohol in an imaginary bar, complete with the smell of smoke and beer. Another test will monitor veterans’ brains while they play video games in an effort to gauge their problem-solving abilities.”

The former sounds like it would be useful in rehab centers as well.

The University of B.C. has been doing research of how customers judge the quality of service they receive.

“The study, which will be published in the Academy of Management Journal, asked participants to watch videos that showed interaction between a book store customer and a sales clerk that was either a white male, black male or a white female. Although all clerks performed similarly, the white male clerk’s rating was 19 per cent higher.”

This is particularly scary considering the current state of our economy. Employers trying to make tough decisions about who to lay off will undoubtedly take this sort of misleading customer feedback into consideration.

“Despite a few graphical glitches, and a relatively steep price tag for an expansion disc (the full “Spore” game is only $10 more), this add-on disc proves to be a clever addendum for fans of the franchise.”

Uh huh. Right.

When you pile crap on top of crap, you know what you get? A bigger pile of crap. That’s what Spore, and its new expansion pack equate to. It’s hard to believe people are actually still playing it.

Who knew there were contests for spitting cherry pits? A married couple from Arizona won this year’s championship.

“…Marlene took first place in the women’s contest, spitting a pit 36 feet, 3 inches (11.8 centimeters).”

Damn. What a great way to keep the romance alive!

Poor wittle JT caught a glimpse of a violent video game, and got a tummy ache. Now he’s convinced that these games cause teenagers to partake in “murder and mayhem.” Oh my!

“…we can’t blame them when a young person commits a crime and blames it on something he saw in a movie, or a video game screen, because we allow them to go see that movie, or stick a quarter in that machine.”

You heard right, folks. Until we forcibly prevent people from viewing violent images, we can no longer hold them completely responsible for committing violent crimes.