Get an Ugly Guy to Marry You

…or at least drunk enough to drop his drawers for five minutes.

“Males with the opportunity to mate with many females would be likely to produce less sperm on each occasion than those making fewer sexual conquests.”

The Family That Spits Together…

Who knew there were contests for spitting cherry pits? A married couple from Arizona won this year’s championship.

“…Marlene took first place in the women’s contest, spitting a pit 36 feet, 3 inches (11.8 centimeters).”

Damn. What a great way to keep the romance alive!

When I Tell That Bitch Please…In Outer Space!

Buzz Aldrin is joining forces with professional woman-hater Snoop Dogg. Fear not! His goal behind this is perfectly noble.

“…these incredible rappers speak to the new generations and know how to reach them.”

I’m sure the new generations of hos and bitches will appreciate your efforts, Buzz.

We Couldn’t Care Less

“In the 2000 census, women and girls formed 51 percent of the U.S. population. And every single one of them older than about 13 – if honest with themselves – would admit they wonder what goes on in men’s public restrooms.”

I hate to break it to you Barry, but most women probably don’t. In fact, I’m pretty sure most of us would prefer never knowing.

“Since women want to know, and I believe they have a right to know…”

A “right” that I am quite happy to give up, thank you very much.

“…many urinals are equipped with aiming ‘points’ – targets at which men may aim both for fun and effectiveness.”

I could have died happy remaining ignorant of this tidbit of info. Another fun little quote from the article:

“…women, right or wrong, are still the primary bathroom cleaners in our society.”

Alas Barry, you have never been to my house. If you wee wee all over the bathroom floor, you can march yourself right back in there and mop it up yourself.

It’s hard to believe someone actually pays this guy to write.